Atheist Mama’s blog

"When I became convinced that the Universe is natural that all the ghosts and gods are myths, there entered into my brain, into my soul, into every drop of my blood, the sense, the feeling, the joy of freedom.
The walls of my prison crumbled and fell, the dungeon was flooded with light and all the bolts, and bars, and manacles became dust. I was no longer a servant, a serf, or a slave. There was for me no master in all the wide world, not even in infinite space. I was free.

Free to think, to express my thoughts
free to live to my own ideal
free to live for myself and those I loved
free to use all my faculties, all my senses
free to spread imagination's wings
free to investigate, to guess and dream and hope
free to judge and determine for myself
free to reject all ignorant and cruel creeds, all the "inspired" books that savages have produced, and all the barbarous legends of the past
free from popes and priests
free from all the "called" and "set apart"
free from sanctified mistakes and holy lies
free from the fear of eternal pain
free from the winged monsters of night
free from devils, ghosts, and gods
 
For the first time I was free.

There were no prohibited places in all the realms of my thought, no air, no space, where fancy could not spread her painted wings
no chains for my limbs
no lashes for my back
no fires for my flesh
no master's frown or threat
no following another's steps
no need to bow, or cringe, or crawl, or utter lying words.
 
I was free.

I stood erect and fearlessly, joyously, faced all worlds. And then my heart was filled with gratitude, with thankfulness, and went out in love to all the heroes, the thinkers who gave their lives for the liberty of hand and brain
for the freedom of labor and thought
to those who fell on the fierce fields of war, to those who died in dungeons bound with chains
to those who proudly mounted scaffold's stairs
to those whose bones were crushed, whose flesh was scarred and torn
to those by fire consumed
to all the wise, the good, the brave of every land, whose thoughts and deeds have given freedom to the sons of men.
 
And I vowed to grasp the torch that they had held, and hold it high, that light might conquer darkness still."

[Colonel Robert Green Ingersoll]

..

I realize this is not exactly light reading, especially not when looking at someone's debut blog entry. I've decided to start out rather controversial, not to pick a fight right of the bat, no, but because first of all I find this quote to be absolutely genius and second, because I'm hoping it sparks good conversation, honest conversation.

I live in Georgia - saying you're an Atheist down here is pretty.. daring. People look at you and give you all kinds of reactions. Some try to poke fun, some frown, some take a step back and look at you almost disgusted. Some are aggressive, some start avoiding you. What they all have in common, is that they don't understand.

They don't understand what it means to be Atheist. And they don't understand why I told them I was in the first place. Down here, it's like the ultimate 'TMI', almost as bad as 'coming out'. People don't want to hear that. It's almost as if the 'A' word is the new 'N' word - and people of all races feel equally offended by it. Yup.. being an Atheist means you get the short end of the stick no matter who you're dealing with. We're considered 'weird'.

Now, to be considered 'weird' is not such a bad thing per se - I've always liked to radiate a little quirkiness, weirdness, artsiness. I personally think that's hot. The weirdness believers attribute to my person when faced with my lack of godliness is not so hot, though. It's a bad kind of weirdness. It's the kind of weirdness that sends shivers down your spine. The kind of weirdness that makes you uncomfortable. Some might even call it creepiness.

Isn't that sad? I think so. In fact, it makes me sad.It makes me question myself on a regular basis.It makes me doubt and it makes me self-conscious, knowing that people perceive me as creepy or weird. Usually, I try to not let it get to me that much and on good days, I'm  perfectly fine with being the odd one out. Other days, I don't even want to leave the house or talk to anyone on the phone because it feels like I have this giant blinking neon sign above my head that points down at me and screams in glowing pink letters 'SHE'S THE ATHEIST!'

I am not making this up or am trying to blow this out of proportion (even though I am aware of the fact that the sign image seems sort of dramatic). It's what it feels like for me. No kidding. It bugs me. I don't like it. And I would love for someone to come along and teach me how to be ok with who I am and what I chose to be.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not ashamed of my dis-belief and I don't feel guilty or like I'm doing 'the wrong thing'. I just feel like it's hard to belong and it's hard to be taken seriously when you disagree with most people on some of the most important issues in life (and I haven't even started talking about my political views yet).

I am in dire need of people who understand me and who think like me. Or who at least respect me for what I believe and don't believe and who like me for who I am DESPITE my views and opinions, however different they might be from theirs.

In other words: I feel utterly lost and alone. And yet I am free.